


Hey Now, We'll Be Ok

by MiniSuga127



Category: ATEEZ (Band), Stray Kids (Band), TXT (Korea Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst one shots, Expect slow updates, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, I have nothing better to do w my life🙂, Ya basically that's it, all members - Freeform, happy endings, idk what else to tag, just a whole lot of angst, taking requests
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:02:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22246039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiniSuga127/pseuds/MiniSuga127
Summary: Hurt/comfort one shots for my main bandsPlz send requests!💜(REQUESTS ARE OPEN!)
Comments: 45
Kudos: 106
Collections: BTS_Fanfics_1, STRAY_KIDS_Fanfics, TXT_Fanfics





	1. Requests!💜

So basically as I've said in the summary and tags, these are angst one shots for the four bands in the tags.  
  
Might add more later on, who knows?  
  


Anyways, I'm taking requests!  
  


It could be any member and any situation so long as it's realistic so no fantasy stuff lol  
  


Also no rated M stuff like smut  
  


Oh, and I can't write established relationships for the life of me so only platonic stuff!  
  


I think that's it! I look forward to ur requests!🙂😊

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all can fangirl with me at...  
> Tumblr:@minisuga127  
> Twitter:@MiniSuga127
> 
> Comments motivate me!💜 thx for reading!


	2. Lost (Stray Kids)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by icantfindaname
> 
> Hyunjin can't stand crowds and Minho will do anything to protect him from the mobs at the airport.  
> But even Minho makes mistakes sometimes...

Everything was chaos.

Absolute madness. 

And Hyunjin was trapped in the middle of it all.

Stray kids popularity had been skyrocketing for the past few months, and while they couldn't have been happier, the size of the crowds at the airports had become just the _tiniest bit_ unsettling.

However, their managers had done all they could to ensure a safe trip from the plane to the van, and so far, the precautions had been working.

Every member was paired up with another, and each pair was assigned a security guard. So far, they had no mishaps with this setup and had managed to complete their tour with no problems at all. Now all that had to be done was to finally get back to the dorms. Just one more stretch and they'd be home free.

These were the words Hyunjin repeated in his head constantly, as he tightly gripped Minho’s hand. He kept his eyes and head down, trying to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. Every so often he'd get jostled by the crowd and his breath would catch in his throat as his balance tipped slightly. Whenever this happened, he would tighten his hold on Minho's hand which spurred the other to turn and ask if he was ok.

“Fine.” Hyunjin muttered with a tight lipped smile, his head still dipped towards the ground.

Minho kept his worried gaze on Hyunjin’s bowed head for a few seconds more, before he was pushed forward by the crowd. 

It was a well known fact that Hyunjin was among the members who were a little more panicky in crowds than the rest. His normally cheery and bubbly personality would be diminished to a scared and clingy boy and everyone did everything to make sure he made it to their van safely.

This crowd was probably the worst they had seen yet. Minho appreciated the more respectful fans towards the back who were trying to talk sense into the ones up front who were pushing and shoving relentlessly.

Minho gasped as particularly rowdy fan suddenly collided into him and made him lose his balance. He caught himself just in time and let out a breath of relief at coming out unscathed.

Only to gasp again, when he noticed what was missing. Hyunjin was no longer holding his hand. Minho stopped moving and whipped his head backward, eyes wide with worry. He cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled.

“Hyunjin! Hyunjin, can you hear me?!” He screamed, but his voice was swallowed by the frenzied yells of the fans surrounding him.

“Minho, come on! What's the hold up?” His security guard asked, backtracking.

“I- I lost Hyunjin!” Minho said, turning his worried gaze to the man beside him. The security guard mirrored his expression and pushed him forward.

“You go, I'll find him don't worry! He'll just have to come in a different van.” And with that, the guard left to go and find Hyunjin.

Minho moved with the flow of the crowd, his thoughts running a mile a minute. He'd been given one job, _one job,_ and he blew it. 

Now Hyunjin was God knows where and it was all his fault…

When he finally got to the van, all the members crowded him, asking where Hyunjin was. Minho gave them a brief explanation, sitting down near the window and staring outside it, refusing to look at any of them.

The members seemed to take the hint that he was very upset and held their tongues even though they were super worried as well.

The car ride home was utterly silent without Hyunjin's presence.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hyunjin let out a small, terrified scream when he felt Minho’s hand being wrenched from his grasp. He tried his best to hold on but was shoved backward, away from Minho.

His eyes widened to double their size and he began to breathe alarmingly fast.

_Ok, ok calm down Jinnie. Someone will notice and they'll come get you._

But Hyunjin didn't think he would last very long in this huge crowd all alone. Already, he felt his lungs constricting and his hands shaking uncontrollably.

Suddenly, a voice cut through the daze in his mind. A small voice, but Hyunjin could make it out clearly.

“Hyunjin! Hyunjin, can you hear me?!”

“Hyung! I'm here! I'm-”

He was suddenly pushed further back and this time he lost his balance completely. He felt a sharp pain travel up his left ankle as he fell awkwardly to the floor.

_This is it. I'm going to be trampled to death…_

Hyunjin held his hands against his chest, sucking in huge breaths of air.

_Don't panic, don't panic, don't-_

Hyunjin was suddenly yanked off the floor with immense force. He gasped instinctively as he put his weight on his left ankle, but immediately relaxed when he looked up to see the face of his security guard.

“Oh, thank God…” He said, breathlessly.

“Thank me later!” The guard said, grinning and pulling the boy along.

Hyunjin winced every few steps as the pain came and went in little sparks, but couldn't keep the smile off his face.

_That could've been_ _a disaster…_

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Minho paced back and forth in the living room, frowning at the ground.

“Don't worry, Minho… They said they'll be here any minute…” Chan said, cautiously.

“I know, I know…” Minho replied, running his hands through his hair. “I just… Need to see him…”

Chan nodded in understanding and was about to ask the golden question, when Jisung beat him to it.

“Hey, Hyung? Do you want to talk… Maybe ease some stress? We've just noticed you're a little… More on edge than the rest of us…”

Minho sighed heavily and slumped down into a couch.

“I just… I had one job, you know. And I blew it. We all know he hates crowds and I messed it up for him. I was supposed to keep him with me and it's all my fault and what if he-”

“Ok, I'm gonna stop you right there, Hyung.” Changbin spoke up.

“Nobody thinks that it's your fault. I think we all just underestimated the crowd this time and that we should _all_ work to make a more foolproof security system. This is in no way your fault, because you're only human and whatever happened was out of your hands. Please don't say things like that, Hyung… We don't like seeing you that way…”

Minho turned to Felix who nodded at Changbin’s statement.

“He's right…”

“You guys aren't… Mad at me for screwing up?” Minho said in a small voice.

“Of course not Hyung. We all make mistakes…” Seungmin piped up.

“Don't call it a mistake, call it a learning experience! We all need to make mistakes once in a while. It's all a part of the greater scheme of life!” Jeongin said.

Minho laughed at that, the heaviness in his chest slowly fading.

“When did you grow up, Jeonginnie?” He said, ruffling their maknaes hair.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and Minho _leaped_ from the couch to open it.

And there stood Hyunjin, a wide smile on his face, his eyes twinkling with joy.

“Jinnie! Oh my gosh! Are you ok? I was so worried! You're not hurt, are you?” Minho rambles, hugging the life out of the boy.

“Not really, Hyung. Just twisted my ankle a bit.” He replied, coming inside.

Minho’s expression fell a bit, but he immediately remembered his brothers words.

“Lucky you! You get to take dance practice off tomorrow!” He said, catching a glimpse of his members smiling at his reaction.

“Oh yeah! That's true!” Hyunjin said, laughing.

The rest of the members hugged Hyunjin as well and then Chan decided they should all watch movies and cuddle to release the stress of that day. The boys agreed enthusiastically and began to make preparations for their impromptu movie night.

Hyunjin was much too exhausted to pay attention to the movie that night and instead decided to just snuggle up and call it a day. As Hyunjin fell asleep in Minho's arms, he thought back to the events of the day and ironically one thought came to mind.

He'd never felt safer than he had that day...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this is ok!😊💜
> 
> Y'all can fangirl with me at...  
> Tumblr:@minisuga127  
> Twitter:@MiniSuga127
> 
> Comments motivate me!💜 thx for reading!


	3. NOT AN UPDATE LOL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just felt the need to explain more on how this is gonna work...

Ok so, I guess I didn't realize how many requests I would be getting and while I'm thrilled that ppl r showing such interest, I also felt that I owe it to u guys to let u know how this is gonna work.  
  


So, just my luck, but the very concept of free time decided to leave my life when I decided to write fanfic...  
  


This one shot thing and the birthday one shot thing i started was purely on impulse bc I have always wanted to do smth like it  
  


However, I now realize that my skl responsibilities r being pushed aside as well as my other 2 main fics...  
  


Soooooooooooooo

  
I've decided to put a schedule on this thing...  
  


I'll only be focusing on this every other month. So that means that I'll write whatever requests I can in that month and whatever I don't finish will be pushed to, in this case, March.

This does not mean I will be ignoring those requests. So if u don't see what u requested it will probably be up in March...

I'm rly sry for any inconveniences this may have caused any of u...

I'm super new to this if u can't tell....🤦🏽♀️

Anyways this schedule is subject to change and if it does I will update u guys

Sorry once again!

Fighting!💜

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all can fangirl with me at...  
> Tumblr:@minisuga127  
> Twitter:@MiniSuga127
> 
> Comments motivate me!💜 thx for reading!


	4. Too Much of a Good Thing (TXT)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taehyun couldn't be happier.  
> His group had killed it at the mmas, they had won the rookie award, and their sunbaes had thrown them a surprise celebration party.  
> But sometimes you can have too much of a good thing…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by venus_demilo
> 
> Hope this is ok!😊💜

“Hyuuuung!” 

Taehyun groaned loudly in frustration as he threw his blanket over his face, trying to block out Hueningkai’s voice.

But their maknae was nothing if not persistent, and his loud voice had Taehyun pressing his palms against his ears in a desperate attempt to get a few more seconds of peace and quiet.

Kai had other plans, however, as he traipsed into the room, whipping Taehyun's blanket off of him with a flourish.

“Kaii! What do you want?” Taehyun yelled, shutting his eyes against the bright light.

“What do  _ I  _ want? Have you forgotten what day it is?”

Taehyun gasped, his eyes flying open, as the realization came crashing back into his mind.

“Oh my god! The MMAs!”

He leaped off his bed and began pushing Kai out of the room.

“I'll be out in a minute!” He said as he threw the door shut.

He rolled his eyes as he heard the maknae laughing and telling the others about how he nearly slept in on such an important day. 

It was super rare for Taehyun to forget things but he had stayed up for the majority of last night trying to fix his mistakes in the new dance break they would be performing later on.

Wincing slightly as his head twinged in pain, he thought that maybe staying up so late  _ hadn't  _ been the best idea. Still, it had been the best opportunity. All the other members were knocked out and he knew that they wouldn't be waking up any time soon.

He didn't want to be the one to mess up the performance for the rest of them. So he believed he did the right thing. He could endure a small headache for his team, no problem.

With that sorted out, he changed into his practice clothes and ran out the door to join his members at the dance practice room for a quick last minute run-over of their performance.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Alright, is everyone ready? I'm gonna to start the music.” Soobin said.

The boys nodded, quickly getting into their positions. Soobin started the music for new rules and joined his team as they began to go through the steps.

They took a short break after new rules, and while the rest of the boys were sitting, catching their breath, Taehyun took this time to go through the steps of run away and the dance break they had learned a week ago.

“Taehyun-ah. Take a break, bro. You can practice that later with the rest of us.” Yeonjun said.

Taehyun frowned slightly, but obeyed, not wanting to cause any problems. He sat with his back against the wall and dug a water bottle out of his backpack. After taking a few sips, he set the bottle down and stood up again, his impatience showing on his face.

“Don't stress too much Taehyun. We'll be fine.” Soobin said, giving him an encouraging smile.

“I just want everything to be perfect…” He muttered, looking down at his feet.

“Ah, come here…” Beomgyu stood up and put his hands on Taehyun's shoulders.

“Is this about what the dance instructor said to you?”

Taehyun continued staring at his feet. About two days ago, their dance instructor had taken him aside and told him that his movements needed to be more fluid, but distinct from one another. All the other boys seemed to be having no problem with it, but he couldn't seem to get it right. The comment had stuck to him, even though he knew that his instructor had only meant it as constructive criticism and nothing else.

Beomgyu took Taehyun's silence in the affirmative and without a second thought he wrapped his arms around the boy.

Taehyun melted into the warm embrace. Only now did he realize how  _ cold _ it was before. The cold hit him again all at once when Beomgyu let go of him. He shivered slightly, before smiling at his friend. 

But Beomgyu didn't smile back. He was frowning in concern.

“Taehyun, are feeling ok? You're warm…” He said, putting a hand on his forehead.

Taehyun shrugged, but didn't push the hand away.

“I'm fine, it's probably because we just danced, you know?”

Beomgyu moved his hand away, much to Taehyun's disappointment, but reluctantly agreed with his statement.

The other three boys were much too drained to pay attention to what had just happened.

Soon, their break was over and they practiced the dance for run away plus their dance break.

And Taehyun  _ finally _ nailed the moves. 

“Yes!” He yelled, bouncing on his feet excitedly.

His head was swimming by now, but Taehyun ignored it as his members crowded around him, patting him on the back and saying things about how he was  _ always _ perfect at everything.

“I think you were doing just fine before Taehyun, but now I think you could do this dance in your sleep!” Yeonjun said.

Taehyun smiled, as the door opened and their manager walked in.

“Boys, come on, we're leaving.” He said briefly, before running off again.

“Ah, I really wish we could've practiced the concept trailer thing once more…” Yeonjun said.

“Ya, and the shadow performance… I'm so nervous for that…” Soobin said, as he walked out. 

The other boys bolted out the room to get their shoes, while Taehyun strayed a little behind them. His head still hadn't stopped spinning and now his throat also hurt slightly. 

He stopped with his hand on the wall of the hallway as the room titled suddenly.

_ Oh no, I can't be sick! Not today! Please not today! _

Of course, his pleas meant nothing, as he coughed into his arm, frustration weighing down on his mind.

He shook his head and hurried to catch up to his members before they noticed he wasn't there. As he ran, his mind was running as well.

_ Ok, it's nothing I can't handle… _

_ It's just one day… _

_ I can do this… _

_ Maybe I'll ask the stylists for some Tylenol…. _

And through all this, he made up his mind not to utter a word of his sickness to the members. He really didn't want to ruin this for them. And he wanted to give his MOAs the best performance he could.

And so he would go it alone…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Taehyun, are you cold?” Kai asked suddenly.

Taehyun turned to look at him. They were all sitting in the van on their way to the performance hall and Taehyun was  _ freezing.  _ At first he thought maybe he should ask someone to turn up the heat, but when he caught Soobin fanning himself with his hand, and Yeonjun going to open the window, he had settled on just wearing his sweater, rather than draw attention to himself.

Apparently that hadn't worked well, as Taehyun caught Kai's worried glance almost at once. He had been waiting for him to say something and now that he had Taehyun had no idea what he should respond with.

“Not really…” He settled on denying the obvious fact. “Why do you ask?”

“Well… I mean you're wearing your sweater…”

Taehyun shrugged saying, “I just don't wanna forget it in the car… Anyways, I'm taking a nap and I think you should too Kai.” He said, ending the conversation.

He turned his face away from Kai and coughed quietly into his arm, trying hard not to shiver while he did so.

The sweater wasn't helping at all and Taehyun vaguely wondered how much longer he'd be able to hold out. His head had still not seized its relentless pounding and he knew the dizziness would be back as soon as he was standing again.

He sighed, reminding himself once more that he just had to get through the day without any mishaps and then he would be home free.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“You're quiet today, Taehyun… Are you alright?”

Taehyun jumped a little as his stylist Noona addressed him as she worked on his hair. He laughed awkwardly, trying to smile and put her at ease.

“I'm fine… Just nervous…”

“Oh, you'll be amazing Taehyun, don't worry.” She said, with a smile. “Are you sure nothing else is bothering you?”

“Actually…” Taehyun said after a pause. “Is there any Tylenol?”

“We just ran out, I'm so sorry.” She turned worried eyes towards his face. “Are you feeling sick?”

Taehyun shook his head quickly (too quickly as his head spun suddenly), waving his hands in front of him.

“Oh, no, I just have a slight headache… It's fine, nothing I can't handle…” He gave her another shaky smile, hoping she didn't notice how he had winced slightly as pain stabbed through his head.

She apologized a few more times, actually going to find some before it was time for them to take their seats.

He waved off her apologies, ignoring her worried gaze and leaving the room to follow their leader to their seats.

“Oh. My. Gosh…” Beomgyu said, stopping short just a few steps away from their seats.

“What, what?” Yeonjun asked peering over the boy's shoulder.

“Wait wait…” Beomgyu proceeded to count the chairs in front of him, before he squealed and faced the other members.

“There's seven chairs in front of us… That means BTS sunbaenims are going to be sitting in front of us!”

“No way! That's so cool!”

“Oh my God I'm kinda nervous now!”

“Taehyun isn't that cool?” Soobin asked turning towards him.

“Ya it is…” Taehyun responded shortly, bestowing the excited boy a small smile, before taking a seat. He didn't think he would've been able to stand there any longer while his members continued marvelling over the fact that their role models would be right in front of them soon. The world was constantly spinning now, giving Taehyun no respite from his fever.

“Taehyun, are you ok?” Yeonjun asked as the other boys sat down.

“Ya, I'm fine. Why?” He asked smiling. Taehyun had no idea how many more times he would have to repeat this. It was becoming like deja Vu and it made him frustrated that he was so transparent to everyone around him.

“You just seem… Off?”

“I'm just nervous, Hyung.”

“Oh, come here, baby…” Yeonjun wrapped an arm around him and rested his head on Taehyun's.

Now normally, Taehyun wouldn't have minded this kind of affection, but he was worried Yeonjun would notice how warm and sweaty he was. That on top of his involuntary shivers, caused Taehyun to move away from his hyung almost right away.

He turned away from him, not wanting to see the hurt he knew would be on Yeonjun's face. 

Thankfully, he didn't have to answer any more questions, because right at that moment BTS arrived and there was chaos all around him as both groups greeted each other, both equally as excited as the other.

He stood and greeted his sunbaes with the most genuine smile he could muster. And he  _ was _ genuine. It was such an honor to be performing at this awards show with them. But Taehyun was sure he'd value this moment more when he felt better.

For now, he just wanted it all to be over.

At least he would be able to leave at 10. If he were a hyung, he'd have to stay longer. Another plus for being a maknae.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Tomorrow By Together! Congratulations!”

Taehyun blinked and came to his senses just in time to see Taehyung leap off his chair, punching the air with his fist. All seven of his sunbaenims gave them a standing ovation, turning around to congratulate them with smiles and hugs.

Taehyun stood as if in a trance and accepted the hugs and smiles, plastering a grin on his own face.

“You did well, Taehyun-ah. I'm proud of you.” Jungkook said, patting him on the shoulder.

Normally, Taehyun would be over the moon at having his idol congratulate him and tell him he was proud of him, but his mind seemed incapable of grasping anything at the moment.

He had no idea how long he had spaced out and could only hope that it wouldn't happen during their performance later that night.

He smiled at Jungkook and sped away to catch up to his members who were on their way to collect their award.

He waited as Soobin took the award, but ended up letting Beomgyu hold it. Taehyun almost missed his cue for their signature greeting and only caught up in the last second.

_ What's wrong with me?  _

_ Get it together Taehyun… _

He scolded himself, worrying that someone would notice in time. 

__ Would  _ notice _ ?

_ You've already drawn attention to yourself. _

_ Keep it together… _

_ You can do this… _

He smiled and waved in a continuous stream, not breaking eye contact with the countless MOAs who were cheering for them.

Taehyun missed Soobin's entire speech, focusing his entire being on suppressing his shivers and coughs.

As they stepped off the stage, he ran a hand through his sweaty hair, wondering why on Earth he was so cold when he was sweating so profusely.

He slumped back into his chair, closing his eyes, ignoring all the worried stares that were being thrown his way.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

His little nap seemed to have helped him gather the strength he had needed for their performance.

He had changed into different clothes and was now sitting, waiting for the rest of his members to get ready.

“Taehyun-ssi!”

Taehyun turned his head to see the stylist Noona from earlier. She had a bottle of water in one hand and some pills in the other.

“I found some medicine for you.” She said, quietly handing him the water and medicine.

“Thank you so much. You really didn't have to. I'm feeling a bit better.” Nevertheless, he gave her a grateful smile and took the medicine.

“You should get going now. Fighting!” She said and with that she left him alone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The performance seemed to be going well. The lights and sounds  _ did _ hurt his head a bit, but it was more bearable this time. And he wasn't even feeling that drained.

But Taehyun still had a bad feeling about the entire situation. He couldn't help but think that this was the calm before the storm.

He shook his head, pushing the thought to the back of his head, and focused back on the present.

They had just finished performing the concept trailer and new rules. Now they were waiting for the camera men to set up their equipment so they could perform run away, the dance break, and the shadow performance.

“Ok, positions, everyone!” Soobin said, and everyone began lining up behind him.

As soon as the lights flashed on and the music started playing, Taehyun's headache flared up again.

He missed his first step by a second and he mentally cursed at himself, hoping it had gone unnoticed.

Taehyun pushed himself as much as he could for the rest of the performance, and made no more mistakes.

But it was taking a toll on him and the effects of his fever were attacking him worse than ever.

His breaths were heavy and uneven and he could the sweat streaming down his neck.

When the dance break was finally over, Soobin gripped his arm, tightly, yelling, “Take it easy, Taehyun!” Before he ran off to where they would be projecting the shadow performance.

Taehyun coughed harshly, giving himself roughly five seconds to catch his breath, before running after the others.

_ I can do this… I can do this… I can do this… _

The rest of the performance blurred into these four words and Taehyun didn't register anything else for the rest of the performance.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Is he ok?”

Namjoon’s voice found its way into his consciousness. Everyone probably thought he was sleeping peacefully, but he was actually just trying to block out all the noises and lights. He was still trying his hardest not to cough out loud or shiver and it wasn't helping his headache in the least.

“I don't know… He keeps saying he's fine but he's acting strangely…” Yeonjun said.

“Shh, be quiet, he's trying to sleep…” Beomgyu lightly scolded the boys.

Taehyun didn't hear anything from them after that and before long, their manager came to collect the three maknaes and take them home. 

Taehyun followed him gratefully and clung to Kai's arm. He didn't think he'd be able to walk without tripping and falling over at this point. He hoped that the younger would just write it off as his usual clinginess and not ask him about it.

He spent the entire car ride home sleeping and was grateful that the other two boys didn't try to ask him what was up.

They only woke him when they had finally made it back to the dorms. He walked slowly, still holding onto Kai's arm, not really processing anything around him. 

As soon as they had walked inside, the world titled and Taehyun tripped. Thankfully he was still hanging onto Kai so he was pulled right back up before he could hit the floor.

“I got you, don't worry…” The boy muttered. He took Taehyun to his room and told him to sleep a bit more.

“We'll wake you up when the others get here. And after that, we're going to have a talk, ok?” Beomgyu said from the door.

Taehyun groaned, falling onto his bed. He was kind of grateful that despite his efforts to hide his fever, his members had caught on.

But he really didn't want to talk about it. He just wanted to sleep for the next five years and never wake up. 

The two boys left and Taehyun curled up on his bed, no longer hiding his coughs and shivers. 

He eventually fell asleep to the sound of his own heavy breathing…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“We're home!!”

Taehyun moaned in pain as his Hyung's loud voice pierced his ears, making the pain in his head spike again. He shivered uncontrollably and tried to pull the blankets closer around him with his sweaty hands.

“Surprise!” Another voice yelled. Taehyun frowned in confusion. That was Jin sunbaenim. Why was BTS here?

Taehyun couldn't make anything else out after that, the many different voices clashing and melding into one.

Taehyun winced as the door opened suddenly and light poured into the room. Light footsteps came towards him and Kai's face came into view.

“Hey hyung, BTS hyungs are here. They wanted to throw us a surprise party for winning the rookie award. I can tell them you're sleeping. You don't have to come out, ok?” 

The way Kai spoke to him made him feel like he probably  _ should _ just sleep, but he didn't want to be disrespectful to his sunbaenims. They didn't have to throw them a party but they still went out of their way to do it for them. Plus he would never pass up a chance to meet with his idols face to face.

So Taehyun shook his head tiredly, and dragged himself out of bed, despite Kai's worried gaze being fixed on him.

“I'll be out in a few minutes…” He muttered.

“Ok, Tae, but don't worry if you wanna leave in the middle, ok?” With that final comment, Kai left the room.

Taehyun sighed and trudged over to the bathroom to wash his face and bring some semblance of awakeness back into his features. He looked at his tired face in the mirror and tried to smile encouragingly. It looked more like a pained grimace.

_ Whatever, it looks natural enough… _ He thought and left it at that.

He walked back inside his room just long enough to grab his sweater, then walked out into the living room.

“Taehyun! My name buddy!” Taehyung shouted, standing up to give him a hug.

Taehyun smiled through the pain that his Hyung's loud voice had initiated and wrapped his arms around him.

“Taehyun, how are you feeling?” Namjoon asked as the boy sat down on a couch. “You seemed tired at the show…”

“Oh, don't worry about it. I took a little nap and now I'm feeling much better.” He said, plastering a smile on his face.

Everyone moved on after that and began talking about other things. They talked about TXT’s enormous success thus far and what they had planned for the future. BTS gave them tons of advice and offered to help them with all sorts of things.

“Thank you so much sunbaenims!” Soobin said.

“Oh seriously, guys, call us Hyung!” Jungkook said with a smile.

“Ok, Hyung…” Soobin said a bit awkwardly, grinning happily.

“Hyungs, we should go on a trip together one day!” Kai said excitedly.

“I'm sure we can arrange that.” Yoongi said, chuckling at the younger one's excitement.

“Is there anywhere you guys want to go? Taehyun, any ideas?” Jimin asked, turning to the boy.

Taehyun jumped a little upon hearing his name. He had spaced out again and had no idea what everyone was talking about. He pulled his sweater closer around him and looked over at Beomgyu questioningly.

“Is there anywhere you want to go with hyungs?” Beomgyu said, gently.

“Ah, I don't know… Maybe the US?” Taehyun tried speaking in a more cheerful manner, but it came out sounding unsure and nervous.

Taehyun knew he was in trouble at this point. His vision had started going blurry awhile ago and he came to the shocking realization that he hadn't had any water for the entire day, other than when the stylist Noona gave him some medicine. That felt like years ago.... He briefly considered calling it a day but he really didn't want to draw attention to himself.

_ I'll just go get some water, then come back… _

_ If I don't feel any better, I'll go back to bed… _

“I'll be right back, everyone. I need some water…”

“We brought you guys a little cake. It's in the fridge. Could you bring that back with you?” Jimin asked.

Taehyun nodded dismissively and walked slowly into the kitchen. As soon as he was safely out of everyone's view, he gripped the counter tightly with his sweaty hands and let out a shaky breath. He blinked slowly a few times, trying to get his vision back into focus.

When he finally felt as though he could walk to the sink without tripping, he let go of the counter and shakily went to grab a glass. He filled it up at the sink and slowly took a sip.

But apparently, drinking water on a nearly empty stomach wasn't the best idea as a wave of nausea hit the boy out of nowhere. He moaned in frustration and pain, resigning himself to his sad fate as he went to put the glass back on the counter.

He might as well grab the cake for the hyungs and just deal with his fever for a few more hours.

He never got the chance... 

His headache flared up suddenly, causing his vision to blur and the world to spin. The glass slipped from his shaking fingers and shattered on the floor. He cradled his pounding head in both hands as his legs folded beneath him.

The last thing he heard was Kai's terrified voice screaming his name, before his vision faded to black and his body hit the floor.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Be careful, be careful…”

“I cleared the glass…”

“Move him over there…”

“He's burning up!”

“Oh my God…”

Taehyun felt himself being lifted up and cried out as the sudden movement spiked his headache.

“I'm sorry, Hyung, I'm so sorry…” Kai's soft voice said. He sounded like he had been crying.

Taehyun felt tears on his face and realized that  _ he _ was crying as well. He coughed weakly, struggling to open his eyes, but he was just so  _ tired _ . 

He felt Kai set him down on a soft surface and heard several people whispering around him. He finally opened his eyes, but saw that it made no difference as he couldn't make anything out.

“H-hyung… What happened…?” He asked not addressing anyone in particular.

“You passed out, baby…” 

“You're running a very high fever, Tae…”

“When was the last time you actually slept?”

“Why didn't you tell us?”

That final question finally made Taehyun break down.

“I'm so sorry, everyone… I just… I just wanted everything to be perfect… I didn't wanna disappoint anyone… I… I…”

“Shhhh, Taehyun, come here…” Jin came to sit beside him and gathered the shaking boy up in his arms.

Taehyun hid his face away from everyone, embarrassed by his tears, and tried to stop the tremors flowing through his body. He coughed through his sobs and wished that he could go back in time and just  _ tell someone _ , so he could have avoided all this.

“We're not mad at you, Tae…” Soobin said.

“We're just a little worried…” Yeonjun said.

Taehyun looked back at everyone.

“Why  _ aren't _ you guys mad? I tried so hard not to mess up, only to get sick and probably set us back a few days…”

“Because  _ you _ are more important to us than some award show. There are always more opportunities for this, but if something happens to you…” Beomgyu said.

“No one could replace you, Hyung. You're already the best at everything you do… Give yourself a break too sometimes…” Kai said.

Taehyun didn't say anything for a long time, trying to control his breathing enough to get some words out.

“I'm sorry for worrying all of you…” He muttered, eyes downcast.

“No more of that, Taehyun-ah…” Yoongi said.

“It's our  _ job _ to worry about you…  _ we're _ sorry for not doing our job well enough…” Taehyung said.

Taehyun rubbed his eyes and sighed, looking up at everyone and smiling when he saw that his vision had finally cleared.

“Let's stop apologizing to each other… It's getting old…” He said.

That drew a few laughs from both groups and Taehyun smiled to see their expressions finally relax somewhat. Deep down, he still felt bad for worrying everyone. If he had known that the situation could get so dire, he never would've tried to play off his fever.

However, what was done was done and, Taehyun reasoned, there was no point in feeling bad about something that was in the past. All he could do now was focus on getting better and be more careful in the future.

“Do we have your word that you'll take it easy from now on?” Namjoon asked.

Taehyun nodded solemnly, curling up further into Jin’s motherly warmth, as a wave of exhaustion washed over him.

“Now, I think we should get some medicine and food into you…” Hoseok said, rising from his place on the floor.

All the boys curled up on the daybed after that, while Hoseok went to get meds for Taehyun and Jungkook set up the TV so they could watch movies and cuddle.

Taehyun smiled as the beginning of Iron Man started to play.

He looked up at Kai who was hugging him tightly and thought of how grateful he was for the younger. Even though he was younger, he had pushed aside his worries and acted like a hyung for him.

“Thanks everyone…” Taehyun muttered sleepily.

A chorus of “don't mention it's” and “of course, baby’s” sounded across the room.

And Taehyun fell asleep for a  _ long _ time after that, surrounded by his 11 favorite hyungs and one amazing dongsaeng.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this one😊👍
> 
> Y'all can fangirl with me at...  
> Tumblr:@minisuga127  
> Twitter:@MiniSuga127
> 
> Comments motivate me!💜 thx for reading!


	5. Butterflies (TXT)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was TXT’s first time in America together and Beomgyu was very nervous about their impending showcase.  
> It didn't take long for Beomgyu to realize that the pain in his stomach had nothing to do with butterflies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by themoon_isfluffy
> 
> Hope this is ok!💜😊

Beomgyu wriggled uncomfortably as Soobin rested his head on his stomach. He wasn't uncomfortable with the closeness, heavens no. They always cuddled and lay on top of each other like this, so this was normal.

But for some odd reason, since yesterday, Beomgyu couldn't shake the strange “almost” nausea-like feeling in his gut. He had told Yeonjun earlier, but he had been too busy bringing his and Kai's stuff into their shared hotel room. He told the younger that he was probably just nervous because of their Atlanta showcase tomorrow.

_Ya, that's probably it…_

_I need to stop worrying about it…_

Nevertheless, he pushed his hyung’s head away after a few minutes, and sat up with a sigh.

“What's wrong, Beomie?” Soobin asked, sitting up as well.

Taehyun glanced over at the two boys, from where he was sitting on the floor.

“He's rejecting you, Hyung…” He said with a smile. “Because he's in love with me… Right, Beomgyu Hyung?”

Beomgyu smiled at the boy's antics. He reached out to pinch his cheek.

“Aigoo, of course, Taehyun. How could I not fall for such a cutie?”

Soobin gagged playfully, before standing up and chuckling a little. Right at that moment, a knock sounded on their hotel room door.

“Who is it?” Soobin called.

“Open up, or you'll regret it…” A familiar voice called from outside.

Taehyun rolled his eyes, grinning.

“Why is Yeonjun Hyung like this?” He asked, as Soobin went to open the door. He definitely wasn't expecting to be _attacked_ with a pillow as soon as the uncontrollable maknae entered the room with his hyung trailing behind him.

“Yah! Cut it out!” Soobin yelped, falling backwards onto the bed.

“Never!” Yeonjun yelled laughing as he joined in on the fun.

Taehyun squealed with laughter as he grabbed a pillow from the bed and began smacking Beomgyu with it.

“Come on, Hyung, play with us!”

Beomgyu sighed but resigned himself to his fate, as he reached for a pillow and turned to his dongsaeng with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Soon it was chaos, all the boys running around the small room, pillows in hand, and smiles on their faces.

By the end of it all, Beomgyu had a slight headache and the other boys were all sprawled across the floor.

“WOW, I'm tired…” Kai muttered from the floor. “You didn't have to hit so hard, Soobin Hyung…” He whined.

“Your fault for starting it.” Soobin said, playfully. “What are you two doing here, anyways?”

“Kai wants to sleep with everyone…” Yeonjun explained.

“Oh, does he now?” Taehyun asked, mischievously.

“Yah! Don't say stuff like that in front of the baby!” Soobin said, smacking the boys arm.

“I'm literally...17 you guys…” Kai said, sighing.

“Anyways…” Beomgyu said, breaking the banter. “How do you want to do this, Kai?”

“Like on one bed… Like we did when we were shooting cat and dog!”

“These beds are much smaller but I'm sure we can make it work” Taehyun said.

With much trial and error, they finally found a comfortable position for everyone. Kai lay in the middle of Soobin and Yeonjun, while Beomgyu lay on top of Soobin and Taehyun lay sprawled across the other two.

“Like this Kai?” Yeonjun whispered.

Kai nodded happily, surrounded by his hyungs.

“This is nice…” He said quietly, his voice sounding tired.

“It is…” Yeonjun agreed. “I'm actually so tired, I could fall asleep like this…”

“I think we should go to bed now. We have a long day ahead of us.” Taehyun said, ever the voice of reason.

All the boys quieted down after that, falling prey to their exhaustion and dreams.

All except Beomgyu…

His stomach still hadn't stopped hurting and now his head was pounding as well. He tried desperately to fall asleep, but the pain kept stopping him. 

As time went on, he began feeling more and more nauseous, and although it was still bearable for the time being, he was having a hard time lying still.

_I don't wanna wake Soobin Hyung…_

Turns out, he didn't have to worry about that, since the boy beneath him stirred suddenly and slowly opened his eyes. He blinked a few times before catching Beomgyu's gaze on him.

“Beom… What's wrong?” He whispered, tiredly.

“Nothing's wrong, Hyung…” He whispered back.

Soobin shook his head and pushed himself up into a sitting position, shoving Beomgyu off of him in the process. They both sat across from each other and Soobin stared at Beomgyu for a long time before finally speaking.

“Tell Hyung what's wrong… You're not going to fool me that easily… You were really quiet today… That's not normal…”

Beomgyu sighed and gave in. He had already told Yeonjun, so he figured he could tell Soobin as well.

“It's no big deal… My stomach just kinda hurts… It's just butterflies though…” He said, sounding unsure of himself.

“Are you sure, Beomgyu? What kind of pain is it?”

“Well, I've been feeling nauseous on and off today…”

“Hmmm, here, lemme find some medicine for you…”

Soobin climbed off the bed and dug around in one of the drawers in the bedside table. A few seconds later, he pulled out some pills and handed them to Beomgyu.

“Do you want some water or…?” Soobin asked.

Beomgyu shook his head, not wanting to risk throwing up just a few hours before the showcase. He swallowed the pills dry, while Soobin lay back down. Beomgyu lay his head back on his Hyung's stomach and smiled down at him.

“Thanks Hyung…” Beomgyu whispered.

“No problem, Beom. Feel better, ok?” Soobin said smiling back.

“Hopefully…”

And with that, the two boys fell asleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Hey boys, come take a look at the stage!”

Beomgyu sighed as he stood up from where he was sitting and followed the other boys to view the stage they would be performing on later that day.

He hadn't slept very well the previous night and the pain in his stomach still hadn't dulled in the least. In fact, it felt worse than before, if anything.

But he knew there was nothing to be done about it at this point. He had told both of his hyungs and neither of them had any idea what else the pain could be but nervousness and stage fright.

But it wasn't like this was his first time performing or being nervous. So why was his body reacting in such a way?

_Should I sit this one out?_

He dismissed the thought as soon as it came. Who knew when they would get the chance to perform in America again? He couldn't pass up this opportunity and he wanted to see his fans just as much as they wanted to see him.

“Beomgyu-ssi? Are you listening?”

Beomgyu snapped out of his daze as one of the staff members called out to him.

“Hm?” He questioned, looking slightly embarrassed at being caught spacing out.

“I was just warning the other boys about the size of this stage. It's much smaller than what you're used to, so we're going to modify the choreo a little so no one bumps into the stairs over there.” She said, pointing.

Beomgyu followed her finger with his eyes and made a mental note to be careful of the stairs.

After a quick discussion on the changes to the choreo, the boys got in position for a quick stage rehearsal. Beomgyu tried his best to be energetic but he knew he fell short. And it didn't help that he seemed to tire much quicker than usual.

_Oh well, it's only the rehearsal…_

_I'll do better in the real performance…_

Once they had finished their practice, Beomgyu trudged over to the stairs and slumped down on them, breathing heavily. Sweat was dripping down his back, leaving him confused as to why he felt so exhausted and warm.

Soobin passed by him and stopped with a worried look on his face.

“Beomgyu? What's wrong? Is your stomach hurting again?” 

Beomgyu shook his head, wordlessly.

“No, no Hyung. I'm just winded, don't worry…” He said.

And he wasn't lying at all. His stomach wasn't hurting. Sometime in the middle of the practice, the nausea had vanished suddenly, replaced by a dull pain in his side instead.

Beomgyu didn't think much of this though. He wrote it off as the normal muscle pain that comes with dancing. Of course, it wasn't normal to experience the pain after a pretty chill practice, but, hey, everyone has their off days, right?

And so Beomgyu shook it off and took the hand his Hyung had extended towards him. Bestowing him a reassuring smile, he stepped off the stairs and made his way backstage, walking in front of Soobin and ignoring the way his worried gaze burned into his back.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Beomgyu was standing with the rest of his members, waiting for their cue to get on stage, when he started thinking that maybe he shouldn't have ignored the small twinge of pain back then.

It had been small at the time, but the constant ache was really bothering him at this point. There was nothing he could do about it right now, however.

_Ugh, I should have said something before!_

The pain was also making him feel weak, as if he had a fever or something. Honestly, he wouldn't be surprised if he did. He was constantly sweating at this point, and he was in short sleeves!

“Ok, boys, good luck out there.” A staff member said, gently pushing Yeonjun who was closest to him.

Yeonjun turned as he walked out onto the dark stage and whispered, “Fighting!”, smiling and raising his fist as he did so.

The boys went to get into position for Blue Orangeade, which meant they had to lie down side by side.

Beomgyu let out a soft hiss of pain as the ache in his side flared up at the movement. Lying down, he glanced anxiously at his members, worrying that they had heard. But they seemed too focused on their own nervousness.

The stage was flooded with light as the song started, and Beomgyu let the music carry him away. 

Except, there _was_ no music. 

His in-ear wasn't working? But they had just checked it before the show?

_Whatever, now is not the time to think about it._

Besides, he had bigger problems to deal with. His condition was only getting worse from the pressure he was put under.

He tried not to let it show on his face how much the lights and sounds were bothering him, piercing their way into his skull. He tried not to focus on how blurry his vision was getting as the song continued and how his side was throbbing painfully. He tried not to notice when the nausea came back with three times the force as before.

By the time the song had ended, Beomgyu wasn't exactly sure how he was going to perform for the rest of the show. He dragged himself off the floor, noticing worriedly how much his arms trembled under him. He composed himself quickly, before the lights came back on.

_I'm going backstage as soon as the lights come back on_ , he decided.

But another problem presented itself as the stage was illuminated.

Taehyun was gone. 

The four boys still present glanced at each other worriedly, but stayed professional, going about their little Q & A session as planned.

Beomgyu waited impatiently. He had to get off this stage before he passed out or something. He kept his eyes glued to the pathway leading backstage. As soon as Taehyun was back on stage, he left without a word. He glanced back long enough to see Soobin's panicked expression. He was supposed to ask Beomgyu a question at this point, just as they had rehearsed, but he would have to ask someone else now.

Beomgyu felt a little guilty, but even if he wasn't feeling weird, he would still have had to get his in-ear fixed.

“Beomgyu, what happened?” The staff member asked anxiously as he arrived.

Beomgyu paused, indecisive. He had initially decided to just ask them to let him sit out, but he was feeling worse by the second. And not just physically. He realized he really didn't want to miss this moment with the members and his fans. 

He sighed, convincing himself that he could do it. For his fans. His members. Himself.

“My in-ear…” He said, shortly, removing it and handing it to the man.

The man came back a minute later, handing him a new ear piece.

He tested it out and flashed the man a thumbs up, going back out onto the stage.

He could feel the relief flowing off his members as he took his place, and smiled. He had made the right decision.

_I can do this…_

And for awhile, he actually believed his own words. 

Until things began going downhill again…

His body just refused to cooperate with him. He could feel his heart racing in his ears. His face was set in a constant grimace at this point, his side burning painfully. He had to make a conscious effort to smile at the camera during his parts.

His members had noticed that something was up. He could tell by the way they kept glancing back at him. He wanted to yell at them to concentrate and not worry about him, that he was doing just fine.

He pushed through the pain and he almost finished the performance without any accidents.

_Almost…_

In his determination to forget the pain stabbing through his body, he ended up forgetting something else as well. The stairs behind them had completely left the boy's mind. 

It was during the final chorus of Crown, when the realization suddenly crashed back into his mind, but by then it was too late, his body crashing to the floor, his ankle twisting painfully.

He clenched his teeth, swallowing a pained scream, as his side burned. He scrambled to his feet, stumbling back into place, embarrassment and shame now adding to the overall heat he was feeling.

He continued dancing with his eyes on the floor the entire time, never once looking up to smile or wink at the cameras and fans.

When the song was finally over, all the boys sitting on the floor for their ending pose, Beomgyu lifted up his heavy head, his lips curving up in the slightest of fake smiles.

And then the lights dimmed…

Beomgyu let out a heavy breath, reaching toward his ankle and wincing when pain shot through it.

_I should leave now…_

But he couldn't. He _couldn't…_

_Just a few more minutes, Beom…_

_You can do this…_

_Just say your ending piece, then leave…_

And that was the plan. But as Beomgyu stood up and faced his fans and members as light flooded the place once again, he felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for messing up so badly.

_I should have paid more attention…_

_Why did I even rehearse for this if I was going to mess up anyway?_

And before he knew it, the tears he had kept inside for so long decided to present themselves all at once. He turned his face away in embarrassment, trying to hide the tears as his breath hitched in his throat. He tried to stop them, he really did, but his emotions were at an all time low. That on top of the pain, was not a great combination.

And just like that, he was rooted to the spot. He would have left if he could, but it was as if a great weight had settled upon his shoulders, preventing him from moving at all.

He could vaguely hear his members talking to him, felt them moving closer to him, hugging him.

And it _hurt_. He felt so bad for ruining this chance for them. For everyone.

And that's when he heard it. The chant his fans had started.

A chorus of “we love you’s” resonated throughout the hall, the countless fans unable to see their precious Beomgyu with tears in his eyes.

And slowly, but surely, he felt a smile forming on his face, a genuine one this time.

And all his regrets were gone…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Beomgyu sat on the sofa backstage, watching silently as a staff member wrapped his ankle up in bandages. He still had yet to mention the pain in his side, but it had gone down a little in the last half hour, so he thought maybe he could wait it out and it would go away on its own.

He sat there, waiting for his members, as he watched the performance on the camera. He grimaced again in embarrassment as he caught sight of himself tripping over the stairs.

“Hey, Beomie. How you doing?” 

Beomgyu glanced up as Yeonjun came to join him on the sofa.

“Just tired, Hyung…” He muttered, turning his eyes back to the camera.

“You did well, Beom…” Yeonjun put an arm around his shoulder, falling silent.

Suddenly, they both heard a hysterical laugh coming from Soobin.

“I feel so dumb!” He said, between laughs.

Beomgyu cracked a small smile at the sight of his hyung nearly tripping due to how hard he was laughing.

“I thought you were crying cuz the showcase was over! And I'm here thinking, oh poor baby, I'm sad too kid, don't cry….”

“You know, you still did very well Hyung…” Kai said, coming up behind Soobin, with Taehyun closely following him.

“I didn't even notice you fell. I was way up in the front.” Taehyun said, leaning forward to see the camera.

“You danced so well even after falling…” Taehyun noticed, moving away with a proud smile on his face.

“We're proud of you, Beomie.” Soobin said, patting the boy's hair.

“Thanks guys…” Beomgyu said, smiling warmly.

“That's what we're here for…” Yeonjun said.

After that, the four boys left to help pack everything up so they could all go back home. Beomgyu sighed, running a hand through his still sweaty hair. He had finally stopped watching his silly mistake on stage and now he was just waiting for the staff to come get him.

But the boredom was getting to him, and he decided he might as well help the others. He stood up, somewhat unsteadily on his sprained ankle, and began to make his way to the boys.

At least, that had been the plan, before a burst of pain in his side brought him to his knees, a choked gasp leaving his mouth. Panic consuming him, Beomgyu wrapped his arms tightly around his stomach, his eyes shut tight.

He attempted to shout for one of the boys, but he couldn't seem to find his voice. He couldn't even get a proper breath in, let alone speak.

He dragged himself to his feet, breathing heavily the entire time. He groaned at the discomfort and opened his eyes, only to find that his vision was foggy and unclear.

Beomgyu shook his head to clear his jumbled thoughts, before moving in the general direction his members had gone.

After about a minute of walking, or dragging himself at this point, he finally reached a doorway and leaned against it.

There were tears running down his face by now, but his vision cleared long enough for him to make out of his hyungs yell his name, before running towards him.

Beomgyu sighed in relief and then his knees finally folded beneath him, vision blurring once again until all he saw was black.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Beomgyu floated in and out of consciousness. The first time he woke up, he was lying on the floor, covered in a cold sweat. He could barely make out the sounds of someone crying near him. 

“Beomie… Please open your eyes…” The person pleaded.

The voice sounded an awful lot like someone he knew. 

_One of his hyungs?_

_Soobin?_

_Yes… Soobin…_

He tried so hard, _so hard_ , to open his eyes for his hyung, but the darkness clouding his mind eventually won out.

The second time he woke up, he was on a rolling stretcher that was moving.

_Where are they taking me?_

He cried out in pain as the stretcher rolled over a bump and his side twinged painfully.

“It's ok, Beomgyu, you'll be better in a bit.”

“Be strong.”

And so he took a few deep breaths, braving the pain for his friends. He tried opening his eyes and was successful this time, only to be met with fog once again.

“Hyung…” He whispered.

“Yes?” The response came right away, but Beomgyu couldn't really tell who it was.

“Where…?” He trailed off, unable to continue, but he knew his hyung understood.

“We're at the hospital, Beomie…”

“Hospital…?” And with that final question, unconsciousness claimed him again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After what seemed like an eternity, Beomgyu finally registered the light shining on his eyelids. 

_Ugh, did hyungs leave the light on again?_

_They know I hate it when they do that!_

_Can't they just wake me up normally?_

Beomgyu opened his eyes, furious and ready to teach his hyungs a lesson, but immediately closed them again when the blinding light pierced his irises. 

_I don't recall the lights being this bright…_

And that's when everything came crashing back into his mind, making his eyes fly open once again, this time accompanied by a gasp.

“Beom! Are you awake?”

He turned his head towards the voice and gasped again at the sight of Soobin staring at him with puffy eyes. He had clearly been crying.

He looked behind his leader and saw the other members crowded behind them, looking more or less the same as Soobin.

“Guys…”

He started but couldn't get another word out as a cacophony of voices hit him all at once. He shut his eyes tight, holding his head in his hands as a sudden pain spiked through his temples.

“Shh!” Yeonjun ordered, noticing Beomgyu's discomfort.

Everyone immediately quieted down, staring worriedly at the boy.

“Beomgyu… Are you ok?” Soobin asked again.

Beomgyu nodded uncertainly.

“Does anything still hurt?” Taehyun asked.

Beomgyu shook his head slowly, but then stopped.

“My side kinda hurts, but not as bad as before.”

“Ok, that's good.” Kai said, sighing.

“But what exactly happened?” Beomgyu asked.

“It was your appendix, Beom. You got appendicitis… You just came out of surgery a couple hours ago...” Yeonjun explained.

Beomgyu's mouth dropped open. That explained a lot. The pain, the weakness, the feverish feeling.

“Beomgyu… I'm so sorry…”

Beomgyu turned his head sharply towards Soobin upon hearing him utter those words.

“Sorry? For what?”

Soobin looked down at his hands, looking near tears again.

“I knew that you weren't feeling good. You told me last night. I should've said something before. So you wouldn't have to perform. I just-”

“Nope, I'm gonna stop you right there Hyung. Please don't apologise to me when it's my fault for staying quiet about it, when I knew it was getting worse. I'm sorry for not alerting anyone about it or at least taking painkillers or-”

“Guys, please…” Taehyun said, sighing. “Stop apologizing to each other. Let's just remember this for next time. But I really don't like seeing you guys constantly put yourselves down whenever something like this happens…”

They all began to nod solemnly before Kai suddenly laughed loudly.

“What's so funny?” Taehyun asked, looking offended.

“Your whole speech, Hyung! Coming from the guy who literally apologizes every time he's sick…”

“Oh, shut up…” Taehyun said, rolling his eyes and smacking the boy on the shoulder. But he was smiling.

“Ah, don't fight guys… Thanks so much for being here…” Beomgyu said.

“Of course, Beomgyu, anytime. And we'll stay here with you all night. You'll be discharged tomorrow afternoon.” Yeonjun said.

“Nice!” Beomgyu said, giving the thumbs up.

The other boys went about after that, doing random stuff, while Soobin stayed where he was, still staring down into his lap.

“Hyung…” Beomgyu whispered, getting his friend’s attention.

Soobin looked up slowly, smiling slightly at the little finger heart Beomgyu flashed his way.

“Don't be sad, Hyung. You were the first person to ask me if something was up. I appreciate that and no one thinks it's your fault. Besides, I would still have had appendicitis even if you had done something about it.”

“That's true…” Soobin said, grinning. “I still think I should have said something, though. You seemed to be having a hard time on the stage…”

“Well, let me put it this way…” Beomgyu said. “Even if you had said something, my stubborn self would still have wanted to perform. So you had no control over the situation. Ok? So don't be sad, please Hyung. Because that'll make me sad and you don't want that, right?” He finished his statement with a pout, turning his puppy eyes towards his Hyung.

Soobin laughed, his entire face lighting up. He nodded at the boy.

“Ok, Beomgyu… I won't be sad… For you…”

Beomgyu smiled and gestured for the boy to join him on the bed and once Soobin was situated, he rested his head on his Hyung's stomach, before promptly falling asleep to the sound of his team's laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all can fangirl with me at...  
> Tumblr:@minisuga127  
> Twitter:@MiniSuga127
> 
> Comments motivate me!💜 thx for reading!


	6. THANK U (ATEEZ)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hongjoong knows how to take care of everything but himself.
> 
> OR
> 
> My take on how the song THANK U came to be, because I love that song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> requested by PandaLover230

Hongjoong squinted against the bright light streaming from his laptop screen as he put in his earphones once more, hoping he would be satisfied this time. He listened quietly as the song he'd been recording played in his ear, waiting patiently until the chorus.

He'd been recording and re-recording this song for weeks now and his members were getting anxious, wanting to hear it. They hadn't really said that they wanted to see it, but Hongjoong could tell. As soon as he told them he had planned for this one to be their title track for their next comeback, he had noticed all the curious little glances being thrown his way.

He groaned in frustration as he was disappointed once more.  _ The beat just doesn't sound right!  _ He threw his earphones off in annoyance, rubbing his face with his palms. He sighed glancing at the time in the corner of his screen, grimacing when he read 2:05 AM.

_ So what? This is nothing… _

He sighed, remembering what had happened only last night. He had managed to turn in by 3, only to be awoken again at 6 for a meeting to discuss promotion dates.

He loved having comebacks, he really did, but sometimes the stress was just the  _ tiniest _ bit overwhelming. Especially when he wanted to give only the best to ATINY.

Speaking of best, this song was definitely far from it, Hongjoong decided.

He leaned his head back against the couch he was sitting on and let his eyes wander the empty and dark living room, a dry laugh leaving him as he was struck by deja Vu.

_ I need a change of scene… _

Hongjoong decided he should find something else to work on. He suddenly remembered that Mingi had come to him earlier that day, saying he had recorded a song of his own that he would love to have included in their next album. Hongjoong reached in his bag to find the hard drive the boy had handed him, but before he could, he heard a strange noise.

He turned his head towards the doorway leading towards the bedrooms just in time to see a sleepy Jongho shuffle into the living room. The boy was clutching his blanket in shaking hands as he looked around fearfully for some unseen threat.

Hongjoong sighed as he recognized the boy's behavior.

“Jongho…” He called out softly. 

Jongho turned his head towards him sharply and choked out a sob.

“Hyung…” 

And that's all it took for the boy to dive into his Hyung's arms, dissolving into quiet tears. Hongjoong stroked the boy's head, his forehead creasing in worry. The boy hadn't had a nightmare in quite some time and when he did, he had never burst into tears like this before. Hongjoong knew the boy would rather die than let his Hyungs see him cry.

Hongjoong tried to pull away from the boy a little to try and ask him what was up, but Jongho gasped and only held on tighter. Hongjoong stayed put after that, knowing that he wouldn't be going anywhere with Jongho’s iron grip on him.

About 5 minutes later, the boy's tears lessened a bit and he pulled away a little, still clutching his Hyung's arm. Hongjoong looked at him worriedly.

“Jongho…?” He asked softly.

“Hm?” The boy replied.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Hongjoong said, stroking his arm.

Jongho stayed quiet for some time and after awhile he raised his head as if about to say something, but as soon as his eyes met Hongjoong's, he quickly shut his mouth, dropping his gaze once more. He shook his head slowly.

Hongjoong sighed but decided not to push it. He rose from the couch slowly, making sure Jongho was ok with being alone. Sensing his hesitation, Jongho waved his hand gesturing that Hongjoong could go. 

Smiling slightly, Hongjoong walked over to the kitchen and got a glass of water for his maknae. By the time he came back, Jongho had wrapped himself up in his blanket, looking close to nodding off again.

Seeing Hongjoong with the glass, he shrugged the blanket off of himself, mumbling his thanks as he took it from him. He didn't drink much and handed it back to his Hyung without a word. Hongjoong set it down on the coffee table and sat back down next to Jongho.

Jongho turned to him and stared at him for a long time. Hongjoong didn't say anything, not wanting to break the train of thought inside the boy's head. 

Jongho exhaled loudly after some time and turned away from him.

“Hyung…” He said.

Hongjoong leaned forward, curious to hear what Jongho had to say.

The boy suddenly turned back and pinned Hongjoong with his piercing gaze.

“Please go to sleep.” He said, through a sigh.

Hongjoong blinked and shook his head, an incredulous laugh leaving him.

“I thought you were going to tell me your dream…” He muttered, leaning back against the couch.

Jongho smiled, shaking his head.

“Maybe another time. But for now, I think we should both go to bed. We don't have dance practice until later tomorrow so you might actually be able to get a decent amount of sleep tonight if you turn in now.” Jongho explained.

Hongjoong sighed, nodding.

“Sure, I'll go to bed in a bit. I just need to finish up. You go on ahead.” He said, already turning back to his laptop.

Jongho frowned, shaking his head.

“No Hyung, right now.” He whined.

“Don't worry, baby. I'm coming.” Hongjoong laughed.

“But I want cuddles right _ now _ .”

Hongjoong turned to look at Jongho and couldn't help but chuckle at the adorable pout set on his face.

“Aigoo, such a cutie.” He said, reaching out to pinch Jongho's cheeks. The boy yelped and smacked his hands away. Hongjoong smiled and finally resigned himself to his fate.

“Ok Jongho, you win…”

The boy smiled happily and proceeded to trap his Hyung in a blanket cocoon before finally getting him to leave the living room and actually get some much needed sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” 

Hongjoong startled awake after hearing a loud thud following the ear piercing scream. He blinked away his sleepiness just in time to catch a glimpse of Yeosang chasing Wooyoung out the door of the bedroom. 

Hongjoong sighed and dropped his head back on to the pillow, trying to go back to sleep. He had almost fallen back into his dreams when he heard Wooyoung scream again and a louder thud than before. Hongjoong let out a long and tired sigh before deciding that he had better go check on the two uncontrollable kids. He glanced over to his right to see Jongho still fast asleep, an arm slung over Hongjoong's waist. Hongjoong frowned, trying to move the boy's arm as gently as he could. He let out a breath of relief when he succeeded and quietly climbed off the bed. He took one last look at the sleeping maknae before turning back to the source of the noise.

“Hyung?”

Hongjoong flinched, inhaling sharply, as he turned around to see Jongho awake and staring at him.

“What's wrong? Why are you awake, Hyung?” The boy muttered.

Hongjoong opened his mouth to tell him what exactly had woken him up, but the boys in question beat him to it, as another high pitched shriek resounded through the house. Jongho sighed and rolled his eyes, leaping out of bed and grasping Hongjoong's hand.

“I'll take care of them.” The boy practically growled, before walking out of the room, dragging Hongjoong along with him.

The two boys marched into the living room and Hongjoong watched as Jongho let go of his hand and tackled Yeosang who was currently tackling Wooyoung.

“Yah! Hyungs! Hongjoong Hyung was trying to sleep!”

Yeosang gasped and immediately let go of Wooyoung.

“Ah, I'm sorry, Hyung. I should've known better…” Yeosang looked down with a guilty expression.

It was no secret that Hongjoong rarely ever got a decent amount of sleep. So whenever any of the members succeeded in making him sleep, they would always keep the house super quiet until they felt that Hongjoong had caught up on all his missing hours of sleep. The other members didn't know this, but most times, Hongjoong would get up in the middle of the night anyways to work on whatever was bothering him at the moment, then go back to sleep before the others found out.

Hongjoong put a hand on Yeosang's shoulder, prompting him to look up. He smiled at him reassuringly.

“It's ok, Sangie. I've slept enough.”

Yeosang smiled, relieved.

“Still, I'm sorry for waking you. I promise it won't happen again.”

Hongjoong nodded, just as Wooyoung picked himself up off of the floor with an incredulous shout.

“Sorry Hyung?! What about ‘Sorry Wooyoung’?!” 

Yeosang looked at the boy unamused.

“You deserved it. That's what you get for eating my ice cream.” And with that, he stalked off, with Wooyoung hot on his tail, protesting loudly.

Hongjoong laughed and shook his head.

“Go back to sleep, Hyung. It's only 8, I'll wake you up in a couple hours.” Jongho said, already pulling on his Hyung's arm.

“Ah, no, it's ok.” Hongjoong said, wrenching his hand away from Jongho's. “I've slept enough. Really, I feel fine.”

That was a lie. Hongjoong hadn't noticed it before, but his head was hurting slightly. But of course, it was nothing he couldn't handle. It wasn't as if this was his first time saying no to sleep.

Jongho frowned and opened his mouth to speak but suddenly, Yunho came rushing in.

“Where's Hongjoong Hyung?! I can't- Ah!”

Yunho's worried face transformed as a smile replaced his frown.

“There you are!” He said, giving his Hyung a bone crushing hug.

Hongjoong laughed, patting the boy's back.

“Yes, I'm here.”

“He has to go back to sleep.” Jongho persisted.

“There's no time for that right now.” 

All three boys turned around upon hearing their eldest Hyung's voice.

“We need to leave asap. We have to go shopping for some really important things.” Seonghwa said, walking to the kitchen.

“More important than Hongjoong's sleep?!” Jongho protested.

“ _ Yes. _ ” Seonghwa said, firmly, giving Jongho a meaningful look.

Jongho frowned for a second before his face relaxed, a look of understanding dawning on him.

“Ugh, fine.” Jongho said finally, following Seonghwa into the kitchen.

Hongjoong frowned, confused at Jongho's sudden change in behavior. Their maknae was nothing if not stubborn and he would stand by his opinion no matter who tried to sway him. Hongjoong looked up at Yunho who was still clinging to his arm.

“Am I missing something?” He asked.

“Hm?” Yunho glanced down at him as if just remembering he was still there. “Oh, I'm sure it's nothing.” He said, a very exaggerated smile plastered on his face.

“Anyways, I'm going to go wake the others.” He said, letting go of Hongjoong's arm and walking back towards the bedrooms.

Hongjoong shrugged and decided to go help Seonghwa with breakfast.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“I can't believe Hongjoong Hyung forgot that his birthday is tomorrow  _ again _ this year.” Jongho mused, leaning against the shelf that Mingi was currently searching through.

They had been at the store for nearly an hour and Jongho was beginning to get restless. And when Jongho got restless, he tended to rant to his Hyungs.

Mingi turned and smiled at the maknae.

“Well, he is very persistent in everything he does.”

Jongho frowned and smacked his Hyung on the arm, irritated.

“This isn't a joke Hyung.”

Jongho turned his head, as he heard San laughing as he walked over to the two of them.

“Mingi knows, baby. It is sad that he doesn't think about himself enough. But this just makes it easier for us to surprise him!” San said, a smile lighting up his face.

“Always look on the bright side, Jongho…” Mingi said, turning a soft smile towards his brother as well.

Jongho averted his eyes, sighing softly.

“What if there isn't a bright side, Hyungs?” He said quietly.

He heard San heave a sigh before he crouched down to look the maknae in his eyes.

“Then you just gotta make one yourself. You gotta keep telling yourself there's a way out because sadly… That's the only way you can keep your sanity.”

Jongho sighed and nodded sadly.

“You're right, Sannie Hyung.”

Mingi came forward and wrapped his arms around the boy. Jongho hugged back but his mind was elsewhere.

“Bye, Hyungs.” He said, letting go of Mingi. “I'm going to find Hongjoong Hyung.”

As he walked away, he couldn't help but see the fault in his Hyungs’ statement. “Make a bright side”? And what if someone is incapable of doing so? And how does doing that even help you retain your sanity? Imagining an oasis in the middle of a desert is a recipe for insanity. Because all those good thoughts are just fake mirages, bound to wither away in the sand when you need them most.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hongjoong stared at a spot on the ground, leaned against a shelf. His mind was running a mile a minute and all because he was finally beginning to regret some of his decisions. His head was swimming and he was feeling light headed because of his messed up sleeping schedule and to put the cherry on top, he realized he hadn't had any breakfast in all the rush. He didn't even remember the last time he had eaten.

Hongjoong stood a bit straighter, glancing around nervously. He couldn't let anyone know he wasn't feeling well, especially not Jongho, or he would definitely make him sit out from today's dance practice.

“Hey Hyung!”

Hongjoong lifted his head to see Yunho screaming his name from across the aisle. The boy ran over to him, grinning excitedly. Hongjoong smiled in spite of himself. Yunho was such a happy virus that it was impossible not to smile at his hyperness.

“What's up, Yun?” He asked.

“Pick one! Vanilla or Chocolate?”

“Hmmm… Vanilla. Ah, what are we celebrating again?” Hongjoong asked.

“It's for my friend's birthday.” Yunho said, grinning. “You don't know him, but he's awesome and he doesn't know I'm planning this for him.”

Hongjoong laughed at the glow in Yunho's face when he talked about this friend. Hongjoong could only imagine how great this person must be to make Yunho smile like that.

“I'm sure he'll love it, Yunho.” Hongjoong said.

Yunho smiled and bounced away again.

Once he was far enough away, Hongjoong sighed and leaned back against the shelf, rubbing his head as if that would make the headache go away.

His phone buzzed in his pocket suddenly and he smiled as he lifted it up to see who had texted him. It was Chan, one of his best friends, and he had texted on a group chat that included him, Jisung and Changbin. The four rappers had become good friends recently and Hongjoong loved the heck out of them.

**Chan:** hey joongieee, u up for a movie later?

**Jisung:** plz comeee Joong🥺

**Changbin:** yes plz do or he won't shut up🤣. But srsly bro if u ain't busy let's hang out🥺

**Chan:** shut up guys stop pressuring him. Don't listen to them buddy just do whatever u can😅 altho… I would rly love it if u came…

Hongjoong laughed at his friends silliness, shaking his head. Smiling he typed out a quick reply.

**Me:** I have dance practice at around 5 so I can come after that at around 8 ish?

**Chan:** sounds good buddy👍

**Jisung: 😆😆**

**Changbin:** YAY😊

“Hyung?”

Hongjoong looked up from his phone to see Jongho ambling towards him.

“Hey Jongho. What's up?”

“Oh, nothing…” The boy said, a hesitant smile on his face.

Hongjoong sighed and gestured for the boy to come closer. Jongho complied and stood next to him, avoiding his gaze.

“Come on. Tell Hyung what's wrong…”

Jongho shook his head.

“Nothing's wrong Hyung.”

Hongjoong moved away from the shelf, standing in front of Jongho so that he had no choice but to meet his eyes.

“Are you sure?”

Jongho nodded, this time keeping his eyes fixed to Hongjoong’s.

“I'm just tired Hyung.”

Hongjoong frowned, unconvinced, but decided to drop it.

“Are  _ you _ ok, Hyung?”

“Hm, what do you mean?” Hongjoong asked.

“You're looking kinda pale…”

“I'm probably just tired as well, Jongho…” He replied, a smile plastered on his face.

At this point, both boys were communicating with their eyes. Both knew that the other wasn't being completely honest, but both were incredibly stubborn.

And so they both dropped the subject, their worries and concerns only getting worse.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Ok, everyone get in position. I'm starting the music. We're gonna run over some old songs first.”

Everyone obediently got into position as Yunho started the music for Illusion. Hongjoong wasn't feeling his best but he was confident he'd be able to get through the practice without any mishaps occurring. At least that's what he told himself to keep from getting too overwhelmed.

And as he went through the steps, it did seem like he'd be able to do it. He smiled slightly to himself, glad that he'd been able to keep it together.

But of course, the world was never on his side for long.

By the time they had finished the dance, the room was slowly spinning and it was making Hongjoong nauseous. He grimaced in annoyance and discomfort, shaking his head sharply as if that would knock the world back into place.

“Ok, guys now we're gonna do Wonderland and then we can do Answer.” Yunho said, going to change the music.

Hongjoong let out a soft groan, dropping his head in his hands. Both of those songs were accompanied with super energetic choreos. He didn't know if he had it in him to go through both without anyone noticing what was up with him.

He let out a loud exhale, shaking his head against the pessimistic thoughts.

_ You can do this, remember? _

He emptied his brain and stood at the ready, making sure not to look anyone in the eyes. If anyone had noticed his strange behavior, they had yet to say anything about it.

Hongjoong leaped into the choreo as the song started, keeping his eyes and mind blank. But evidently, not thinking about it really wasn't helping. He winced as his head throbbed. It didn't help that he was beginning to panic now, his vision going blurry and hands shaking.

He was in the back of the dance formation when his legs suddenly decided to give up as the room spun around him. He fell to the floor with a gasp and it took a few seconds for everyone to register what had just happened. As soon as Seonghwa turned around to see Hongjoong on his knees, he gestured for Yunho to turn the music off.

Suddenly Hongjoong was surrounded by people and voices. He shook his head trying to block out the noise that was making his head ache more. When that didn't work, he pressed his palms against his ears, flinching away from the hands that reached out to touch him.

After some time, it seemed the message had gotten across to them and the noise quieted down. When he finally took his hands away from his ears, he was met by seven worried gazes.

“Hongjoong, what happened? Are you alright?” Seonghwa asked, his voice laced with worry.

“Um, I'm fine. I just got dizzy for a second there…” Hongjoong said, blinking rapidly, trying desperately to get his vision back into focus.

“ _ Hyung… _ ” 

Hongjoong looked up to see Jongho giving him a stern glare.

“I'm  _ fine _ …” Hongjoong grumbled. “C’mon let's keep going.” With that, he began to stand, but Jongho reached out and held him down.

“ _ No _ , you're sitting out from now on.”

Hongjoong opened his mouth to protest, but Seonghwa beat him to it.

“I'm going to have to agree with Jongho on this one.”

The others all nodded, agreeing with the decision.

“But-”

“It's ok, Hyung.” Wooyoung cut in, bestowing him a small smile. “Just rest a bit. You won't forget how to dance by sitting out one time.”

Hongjoong sighed in defeat and refused to say anything after that. He let Jongho lead him to the back and sat down, obediently.

As he was heading back, Jongho stopped as if he was going to say something, but ended up sighing and leaving without a word.

Hongjoong watched the rest practice without him, noticing the empty space in the formation. He sighed, feeling a heaviness settling on his heart. He was their  _ leader _ , for God's sake. Why was he the only one who couldn't keep it together? Why was he always the weak link?

His thoughts strayed back to the harsh glare he received from Jongho. He grimaced when he remembered his piercing gaze. He wondered what was going through the maknae’s mind and why he hadn't said anything just now. 

_ He must be wondering how I could be such a weakling… _

Hongjoong groaned, running his hands through his hair, blinking away the sudden tears of frustration blurring his vision.

He shook his head sharply, scattering the pessimistic thoughts.

_ I just have to keep telling myself I can do this… _

_ I can do this… _

_ I can do this… _

_ Keep telling myself… _

_ Keep telling myself… _

_ Keep lying… _

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“HEY JOONGIEEE!”

Hongjoong was wrenched from his thoughts as he heard a loud familiar voice shout his name. He glanced up just in time to see Jisung’s cheerful face, before he was wrapped up in a huge bear hug.

Hongjoong laughed despite still being a bit sad from dance practice earlier.

“What's up, kiddo?” He asked, squeezing him back.

“Ah, nothing much. What about you? How was dance practice?”

Hongjoong's smile faltered a bit at that question, but he quickly regained his composure, the words ‘it was great’ on the tip of his tongue.

Luckily he was saved from having to tell his little lie, because the other two had caught up.

“Hey buddy! So glad you could make it!” Chan said, coming in for a hug.

Hongjoong smiled and hugged him back, trying to ignore the way Jisung was staring at him now. Jisung could be very perceptive when he wanted to be and it looked like he had picked up on Hongjoong's reaction to his earlier question.

Changbin greeted him last, with a fist bump and a “what's good, kid?”

After a few more words were exchanged, they finally went inside the theater, grabbed some popcorn and drinks, and made their way to their seats.

Hongjoong slumped into his seat with a sigh, closing his eyes for a second. All of that missing sleep was deciding to make an appearance now, and while Hongjoong was super irritated, he was well past being able to ignore it.

“Hey, Joong…”

Hongjoong peeled his eyes open and turned his head towards the voice. He couldn't see who was speaking in the dim theater.

“Hm?” He muttered tiredly.

“You good?” The voice said. Hongjoong frowned and shook his head, trying to place the voice.

_ Ah, Changbin… It's Changbin… _

“Ah, I'm ok, Hyung…” Hongjoong felt a little spark of panic in his chest. If he wasn't able to recognize voices, that meant he was really far gone. He absolutely  _ had _ to catch up on his sleep.

_ No, no but I can't do that… I'll only hold the others back _

_ And after today… I can't let them down… _

Maybe he was being ridiculous, but Hongjoong couldn't get his massive dance failure out of his head. He had half a mind to practice all night, fixing every mistake he could find.

_ Not a bad idea… _

_ But sleep? _

_ I'll sleep next time… _

_ Ok,  _ Hongjoong sighed, promising himself that he wouldn't skip sleep after today.

_ Just today… _

With that settled, his thoughts were more content and he finally relaxed.

“Joongie? Are you listening?”

Hongjoong looked up sharply, shaken from his thoughts.

“Huh? Oh, sorry about that. Just spaced out, Hyung.”

He smiled, hesitantly, hoping Changbin wasn't as perceptive as Jisung.

But of course, luck wasn't on his side.

“Oh, it's ok Joongie. I was just wondering if you're ok with me switching spots. Jisung really wants to sit next to you.”

Hongjoong hesitated, glancing over at the boy in question. Jisung was looking at him expectantly, a small grin on his face. Hongjoong could only hope the boy wouldn't pester him with questions.

“What do you say, Hyungie?”

“Oh ya, of course, Sungie!” Hongjoong exclaimed, hoping that Jisung wasn't picking up on his obvious hesitance.

The boy bounded over happily, switching places with Changbin. Hongjoong gave him a tight lipped smile, before turning his head back towards the screen, which was still playing commercials, in hopes that it would deter the boy from asking him questions.

“Hey Hyung…”

Hongjoong grimaced, before turning back towards Jisung, the smile from earlier back on his face.

“Yeah, Sungie?”

Jisung paused, looking down, seemingly wondering how to word what he wanted to say next. Hongjoong waited patiently, his mind running a mile a minute, thinking of all the possible ways to answer any possible question.

But just then, the lights decided to dim as the movie finally started. Hongjoong let out a relieved sigh, smiling at Jisung widely.

“We'll talk later, Sungie, ok?” He whispered.

Jisung looked a bit crestfallen, but nodded nonetheless, and turned away from him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Um, Hyung…”

Hongjoong's head jerked back up at the sound of someone calling for him.

“Hm?” He muttered, sleepily. He opened his eyes a crack to see that the lights had brightened once more, several people ambling towards the exits.

“Um… Here, lemme just…” 

Hongjoong felt the sensation of something being pulled from his grasp, gently. He glanced down to see that he had nearly dropped his soda on to the floor. Whoever had been speaking slowly pried it out of his hand and handed it to someone else.

“Alright now, kid, up you go.”

Someone grabbed his hand and gently tugged. Hongjoong blinked slowly before realizing that he was supposed to be standing up.

_ Right… _

_ Movie's over… _

_ Time to go… _

_ Home… _

Hongjoong shook his head firmly. No, not home. Straight to the dance studio.

He stood up sluggishly, letting whoever it was lead him down the stairs and out the door. The movement helped him wake up a bit more and he was finally able to make out Chan dragging him along.

He also found that everyone was staring at him with concern.

Chan stopped suddenly, along with everyone else, and looked at Hongjoong with a grave expression on his face.

“Hey, Joongie… Um, let's go sit over there.” He said, pointing to a bench outside the theater rooms.

Hongjoong, still not fully processing anything, simply nodded and let himself be led over to the benches.

Once they were all seated, the three continued to pin their gazes on him.

Hongjoong sighed and rubbed his eyes, sleep creeping up on him once more.

“Please continue…” He muttered.

“Joongie.” Chan said, his tone suddenly very serious. “Are you ok? And tell me the truth.”

“M’ fine, what do you mean?”

“I mean,  _ this _ . You look like you haven't slept in  _ days. _ ” Chan said, his voice getting slightly irritated.

“Haven't…” Hongjoong admitted.

Silence.

As if no one knew how to continue after such a blatant admittance. 

Hongjoong had even surprised himself. He would definitely not have said that had he been fully awake.

“Why not, Joongie?” Came the soft, pleading voice of…  _ Who? _

Hongjoong was finding it harder and harder to concentrate as time went on.

“Comeback…” He replied to the speaker. “The song won't sound right…”

“Oh, Hyung… you can't keep doing this forever…”

“I'll sleep… I promise….”

“When, kiddo?”

“Just…” Hongjoong didn't really have an answer to that. Because really…

_ When? _

_ When would it all end? _

_ When would all his responsibilities vanish? _

The answer to that was probably never. But he was  _ never  _ going to tell his friends that. And so he told them what he had  _ planned  _ to do, instead.

“Today… After I practice the dance once more…”

There was an incredulous gasp from somewhere on his right, before someone gripped his arm tightly.

“You can't be serious. You're not about to dance in this state. You're joking right?”

Hongjoong shook his head firmly, a little sad that they didn't take him seriously.

“Have to…”

“No, you don't!” An angry shout rang through the air. 

Hongjoong winced as his dormant headache decided to make a comeback.

“Hey, Jisung, he's still your Hyung, be nice.”

“No, no, it's ok…” Hongjoong tried to protest. He didn't want Jisung to get in trouble because he was messed up. He knew Jisung was just worried about his well-being.

However, no one seemed to pay attention to what he had said, pressing on with the questions.

“Why do you have to, Joong?”

Hongjoong sighed, trying to clear his vision enough to make out who was talking. He blinked rapidly, recognizing Chan beside him as his vision became sharper.

_ Ah, of course, it's Channie… _

Hongjoong thought about the question for awhile.

_ Why do I have to? _

_ Oh right… _

His expression must have changed upon remembering the dance failure earlier that day, because Changbin came forward to wrap his arms around him.

“Go on…” He said softly.

“I messed up…” Hongjoong surprised himself when he started tearing up, his throat closing up.

“I… Really messed up…”

Hongjoong swiped at the tears angrily until a hand gently grabbed his and lowered them to his lap.

“Do you wanna tell us what happened?” Changbin asked gently.

“I… Got dizzy in the middle… And I messed up… I'm the only one who did… And I'm their  _ leader _ … They must think I'm so  _ weak…”  _ The silent tears kept falling as silence shrouded them all.

The three sat there, gazing at Hongjoong with sadness and worry.

“Oh, Hyung…” Jisung said. “You're not the only one… It happens to everyone once in awhile… Nobody's perfect… Even if you're the leader, it shouldn't fall on you to be at your best at all times… You're allowed to have off days, when you're not perfect. It's a team effort and I'm sure your team thinks you're the strongest leader that ever existed…. Second only to Channie Hyung, of course.” Jisung finished, cracking a smile.

Hongjoong laughed a little, more at Jisung's attempt to make him feel better than the actual joke.

“I couldn't have said it better myself.” Chan said, pride in his voice. 

“Now I think you just need to destress and come back to the choreo once you're all recharged, ok buddy?” Changbin said.

Hongjoong nodded, giving them all a watery smile.

“Now, I'm going to call Seongh-”

“No, don't call him!” Hongjoong yelped suddenly.

“Hm? Why not?” Chan asked.

“I don't wanna make it a thing, you know? I don't want them to worry. Don't worry, I'm fine now, I just don't want them to focus their attention on this…” 

Hongjoong desperately hoped he was making sense and that Chan would drop it, because he  _ really _ didn't want everyone chewing him out for not talking about his feelings sooner. One day he would, for sure, but today wasn't that day.

“Alright, Hongjoong, I won't…” Chan said slowly. “But I do want you to promise that you'll eventually talk to them within this week.”

Hongjoong nodded eagerly.

“And that you'll go to bed as soon as we take you back.”

“Mhm.” Hongjoong said, nodding without complaint.

“Alright, glad we got that sorted out.” Chan said, smiling as he rose to his feet and helped Hongjoong up with him.

“Now let's get Hyungie home!” Jisung chirped.

“Sweet dreams in advance kiddo!” Changbin said.

And Hongjoong smiled, despite everything that had gone wrong, because his friends always had his back.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Alright, kiddo, go to bed straight away.”

Hongjoong nodded, smiling as his friends left him in front of the apartment door after several more farewell hugs.

“I will.” Hongjoong confirmed.

Chan smiled and waved, before turning to walk out of the building. The other two followed him after waves of their own.

Hongjoong watched until they were out of his sight. Then he sighed, dropping his head and taking his hand off the doorknob.

Now that he was more awake and less emotional, he realized that he absolutely _ had to _ perfect his dance today. There was just too much stuff to do for him to push it till tomorrow.

He felt bad for breaking his promise to Chan,  _ but _ , he reasoned that he had promised  _ himself _ to do the dance before.

_ Just this once, just this once… _

_ Then I'll finally get some sleep… _

With that thought firmly in his mind, he stalked off to head to the dance studio.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_ Bad idea, bad idea… _

His entire body was telling him this was a bad idea. His muscles ached, his breathing stuttered, every inch of him covered in sweat.

But he shook it off and stood up to go through the dance once more.

_ Almost there, almost there… _

He kept telling himself lies, persisting through the slight dizziness that had climbed its way into his skull.

He knew that no matter what his body was telling him, he had to keep going. For his team. He couldn't let them down  _ again. _ He just couldn't. They had already put up with him so much. They never said anything despite how much he kept messing up. Even when they had to stay for dance practice longer just because he couldn't get it right, they never gave him trouble for it. Even when he constantly refused to show them his music until it was completely finished, they never said anything, even though Hongjoong could tell they wanted to.

He often wondered why he had been assigned the position of leader when he was clearly unfit for it. Someone like him shouldn't be in charge of such an amazing team. Maybe someone like Seonghwa, who was always level headed in every situation. Heck, if Jongho wasn't maknae, even he could pull it off, with his assertiveness and the way he always looked out for the members.

His heart dropped suddenly as he continued to dance, when he realized that he hadn't been checking up on his members lately. He had been so focused on himself and his work that he completely forgot to ask if they were ok. He normally gave them a pep talk whenever a comeback was close. Wooyoung especially, had a tendency to get super nervous and become unresponsive unless someone calmed him down.

_ Is everyone ok? _

_ How could I- _

_ Such a screw up, seriously, how could I... _

Hongjoong surprised himself as he realized the wetness on his cheeks wasn't sweat. He angrily swiped at the tears, continuing to dance more fiercely, ignoring the way his head swam.

_ You don't even deserve to cry… _

_ How can you be such a screw up? _

_ You and whoever thought you could be a leader… _

A broken sob escaped Hongjoong's lips just as his body gave up. The floor titled beneath him, throwing his balance off, sending him crashing to the floor.

Hongjoong groaned weakly, breath coming in heavy pants. He coughed and sobbed, squeezing his eyes shut.

_ They deserve someone better… _

_ Someone who doesn't break down like this when things get a little stressful… _

Hongjoong did nothing to stop the thoughts from filling his head this time. He  _ couldn't _ . Not when he was so drained. Not when he could barely function.

_ Not when those thoughts were right… _

It felt like hours had passed when his tears finally began to subside. He lay there, still shaking from overexertion, his mind finally silent.

His head was still pounding and he could feel the tendrils of darkness coming out to reach for him. He weakly tried to shake them off, knowing that he had been in here for so long already and that he needed to get back before the morning or his members would worry. Which would just create another reason for his incompetence. Leaders shouldn't be making their members worry.

And so he slowly opened his eyes, groaning when a wave of dizziness crashed into him.

When his vision finally cleared, his eyes locked on to his reflection in the mirror.

There he lay, shivering and sweating, his face pale and streaked with tears.

_ So pathetic… _

Another wave of pain swept through his entire body, and Hongjoong closed his eyes once more, allowing the darkness to take him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Hyung!” San exclaimed happily, seeing his Hyung busy at work in the kitchen.

Seonghwa turned and smiled, putting a finger to his lips.

“Don't wake the others, Sannie. Especially not Joongie.”

“Ah, right.” San said, nodding in understanding. He walked over to his Hyung, watching him make breakfast in silence.

“Should we give him his present when he wakes up or after we come back home from dinner?” Seonghwa wondered.

“Hm, well I personally think we should give it to him after we come back, but we can take a vote with the others.”

Seonghwa nodded at that suggestion. Slowly, one by one, the members began waking up and gathering in the living room, barely hiding the excitement on their faces. Before long everyone was awake except Yunho and Hongjoong, who shared a room.

“Should I go wake Yunho up?” Mingi asked.

Seonghwa shook his head, no.

“Yunho is probably gonna have a hard time getting out anyways. Joongie is a light sleeper after all.”

“Ah, true…” Wooyoung said.

They set about the other preparations for Hongjoong's birthday without Yunho. They weren't worried in the least. Yunho had a track record for sleeping in most of the time.

So when they all heard a door crashing open and frantic steps running towards them, they lifted their heads in surprise to see Yunho standing there with a terrified expression on his face.

“Where's Hongjoong Hyung?!” He shouted.

This wasn't an uncommon occurrence. Yunho was constantly worrying about Hongjoong ever since he had decided to stay the night at his own personal studio back at the company. Hongjoong had said that he lost track of time working on the album and that it wouldn't happen again.

But ever since then, Yunho would always freak out if he didn't see Hongjoong first thing in the morning. Even if Hongjoong had simply woken up before him, Yunho wouldn't calm down until he saw him and since everyone knew this, they would always be quick to assure him of Hongjoong's whereabouts right away.

And that's why Yunho immediately knew something was wrong, when no comforting words or gazes came his way.

“Oh my god…” He muttered, turning away sharply, his hair tangling in his fingers and he gripped his head tightly.

Everyone quickly followed him back into the living room.

“Did he even leave a text?” Yunho asked in a strained voice.

“No…” Yeosang said, his voice already taking on a hopeless tone.

“Come on guys, this won't help. Let's try calling him.” Seonghwa advised.

The boys nodded as they watched their Hyung pull out his phone and call Hongjoong.

They all held their breaths as he lifted the phone to his ear, only to watch his expression fall after only a few seconds.

“His phone is powered off. It went straight to voicemail…”

A heavy silence fell on the boys.

“Come on,  _ think. _ Where could he be?” Yunho said.

Under normal circumstances, it probably wouldn't take them too long to figure it out, but they were all so paralyzed with worry that their brains simply refused to work.

“Wait guys, we should ask Chan Hyung. Hongjoong went to the movies with him, Jisung and Changbin yesterday. They were the last people to see him. Maybe he stayed over? Or maybe they know where he is?” Jongho suggested.

Seonghwa nodded, taking the suggestion without a second thought. He dialed Chan faster than ever, waiting for him to pick up.

He was so tense that he physically flinched when Chan answered the phone.

“Hey, Seonghwa. Everything ok?”

Seonghwa sighed, calming himself, marvelling at how well Chan was able to detect trouble.

“Ah, Chan Hyung, I just wanted to know if you know where Hongjoong is…”

“Hongjoong? He's missing?” Chan's voice instantly took on a worried edge.

Seonghwa nodded, before remembering that Chan couldn't see him.

“Y-yeah. You guys were the last ones to see him…”

“Ah, shit… Um, you know what, Seonghwa, gimme a few minutes, I'm coming over.”

“Okay…” Seonghwa agreed, before hanging up.

He quickly filled the others in on what had happened, before they all sat in tense silence waiting for 3racha to arrive.

  
  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Ok, so you think he's at the dance studio?” Yeosang asked.

Chan nodded solemnly from where he was sitting at the couch, staring quietly at the coffee table in front of him.

“He mentioned how upset he was at messing up and he admitted he had planned to practice once more, but I made him promise not to…”

“I'm so sorry…” Changbin said. “We should have made sure he went inside before leaving.”

“It's ok, he would have left anyways.” Seonghwa reassured quickly.

Seonghwa wanted nothing more than to thank Chan continuously for how he had comforted his leader, his dongsaeng. He knew how hard Hongjoong was on himself and he really couldn't thank Chan for being such a good friend to him and passing on his own experiences as a leader.

But he knew there would be time for that later.

For now they had to find out what had become of Hongjoong.

_ Had he fallen asleep there? _

_ Or something worse? _

Seonghwa shook his head, ridding himself of those pessimistic thoughts. Without anymore discussion, all ten boys quickly rushed out of the apartment, heading towards the dance studio.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_ So cold… _

Hongjoong shivered, confused as to why it was so freezing.

_ Why am I so cold? _

Hongjoong shook again and groaned a little as all the aches and pains in his body began to wake up. He pried his eyes open, squinting at the blurry blob of light shining above him. He pushed himself up in a sitting position on shaking arms. His head dropped down, chin touching his chest, as he let his eyes adjust and his body gather the strength to stand.

He sat there, his brain sluggishly trying to catch up with everything. He hadn't forgotten what had happened last night but he was really struggling to piece the events together. Everything was floating in his head and he had no idea what time it was and how long he had been out.

He hoped he had enough time to get his bearings before heading back home, but of course, that wasn't his decision to make.

Hongjoong's head lifted up sharply at the sound of a door being thrown open, several people rushing in all at once. Hongjoong's eyes widened slightly to see that not only his team, but also 3racha, had shown up.

Hongjoong was still super out of it and so he didn't really know what he should be feeling right now. All he knew was that it was super loud as several concerned voices bombarded his ears, demanding an explanation right away.

And suddenly, his emotions were functional again and he began feeling too much of everything all at once. He dropped his head as several arms grabbed him wherever they could. He barely registered the tears falling down into his lap or the quiet words that left his lips.

Even though his utterance of “I'm sorry…” should have been swallowed by all the loud voices, it hit everyone's ears like a tidal wave.

And then there was silence. Complete and utter silence.

Hongjoong stared at his lap, tears falling faster, internally  _ begging _ someone to speak. To tell him he  _ should _ be apologizing, that he should be ashamed of himself. To tell him he was a total screw up, to scold him,  _ anything. _

But no one said a word for a  _ long _ time.

And finally someone spoke. In a voice so quiet that everyone had to strain their ears to hear it. A voice that sounded hurt and almost accusatory, but not quite.

“Why…” Jongho whispered. “Why- What… Are you even apologizing for?”

Hongjoong choked down a sob, still not meeting anyone's eyes. He shook his head slightly, not having the heart to speak. 

“Hongjoong… Look at me…”

At Seonghwa's pained voice, Hongjoong slowly lifted his head, looking at his Hyung, shame evident in his eyes.

Seonghwa stared at Hongjoong for some time, before swallowing thickly, and finally speaking.

“Hongjoong… I hope you don't think… That we're mad at you…”

“But…” Hongjoong whispered, dropping his head again. He took some time to sort out his jumbled thoughts.

He hadn't exactly expected them to be  _ mad _ at him, per se… His members always forgave his many, many mistakes. They were honestly so patient with him and would always put up with him. But… He had expected them to at least be a little… Disappointed. And that was probably worse than any anger they could have directed at him. Because that meant that they thought he could do it, that he had it in him to handle all the stress that comes with being a leader. It meant that they had believed in him… And he had let them down.

“After everything…? How do you guys always… Just… Put up with me?”

This question drew a little gasp from someone, he couldn't tell who, but suddenly Yunho was there in front of him, looking like he wanted to hug his Hyung right then and there but not knowing if that's what he needed right now.

“Hyung…” He muttered, his tone almost pleading. “ _ Put up with you? _ What do you mean? Do you think that you're  _ burdening  _ us?”

Hongjoong shrugged, unsure, dropping his head back down.

“I shouldn't- This shouldn't be happening right now…” Hongjoong muttered. “This entire situation… I'm a freaking leader… You guys shouldn't have to comfort me… It should be the other way around… And I've been so carried away with my own work that I forgot to help you guys… I-”

“Who makes those rules, Hyung?!” Jisung suddenly shouted, pushing his way to the front. “Who says that a leader can't be comforted?! It's a  _ team _ , for heaven's sake! Channie Hyung always needs a shoulder to lean on and  _ every _ leader is  _ entitled _ to that sort of comfort! No one's saying you shouldn't care for your members, but if  _ you're _ hurting, you won't be able to help them as well. I know I'm being super blunt right now, Hyung, but it's just because I really can't  _ stand _ seeing you this way and I'm sure your members feel the same way. And you're right! You  _ have  _ been carried away, and it's all of our faults for not noticing sooner.”

Jisung took a second to breathe, but it looked like he wasn't at all done with his speech. Everyone stared with wide eyes, knowing they should probably call him out for yelling at Hongjoong when he was clearly already upset. But no one could exactly argue with his points.

Hongjoong gulped slightly, his tears no longer falling, seemingly too shocked to make an appearance after that speech.

“It's… Not your guys’ fault…” Hongjoong said, quietly, not wanting them to feel guilty for something that had been his decision to begin with.

Jisung sighed, shaking his head.

“No, Hyung, it is…” He said, calmer this time. “It is our fault, but that's  _ okay. _ Because everyone makes mistakes. And that's the point I'm trying to make. You have  _ every _ right to mess up sometimes, but that doesn't make you any lesser than anyone else. Think about it this way… If I messed up a performance, what would you tell me? Would you tell me I was a hopeless screw up? Would you tell me it was my fault and that I didn't deserve to be part of the team because of that?”

Hongjoong audibly gasped at the idea, shaking his head no.

“N-no! That would only make you feel worse!”

Jisung nodded, smiling.

“Then why do that to yourself, Hyung? Do you see now that putting yourself down doesn't help anyone in the long run?”

Hongjoong frowned, because it  _ did _ make sense when it was said like that.

He nodded slowly, lifting his head, a tired smile setting on his face. Everyone visibly relaxed upon seeing him smiling and ok.

“I'm sorry everyone for worrying you. But…” Hongjoong thought carefully about his next words. “I know I'm not the best, but I think… I'm enough… And I'll try thinking about myself more… In a better way… But I think I'm gonna need some help…”

“We'll give you all the help we know you deserve, Hyung.” Jongho said, wrapping his arms around him.

Hongjoong hugged back, shutting his eyes as he rested his head on Jongho's shoulder.

“Now let's get you home…” Seonghwa said, sighing.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“~HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!~”

Hongjoong grinned as blew out the candles, plunging everyone into darkness as they clapped happily. Hongjoong laughed as he located the light switch with one hand, flicking them on, as everyone attacked him with hugs.

When the boys had gotten home, 3racha left almost immediately, making Hongjoong promise once more to take a quick nap before the members could celebrate his birthday with him.

“Yes, it's your birthday, you dummy…” Jongho had muttered, rolling his eyes and smirking at Hongjoong's shocked expression.

After 3racha had left, the boys made Hongjoong take a 3 hour nap, while they told their manager what had happened. After much discussion, they decided to postpone the comeback for a couple weeks so the members could help Hongjoong deal with his stress. After that, the boys woke him up again to take him laser tagging. Everyone intentionally went easy on him at first, but he protested immensely, saying he didn't need them to go easy on him, because he'd still beat their asses even if they gave it their best.

The boys took him up on the challenge and left the arcade with asses totally beaten by the end of it. Hongjoong had laughed it off and said not to worry because next time  _ he  _ would be going easy on  _ them. _

After that, they had dinner at Hongjoong's favorite restaurant, then went to watch a movie. They had asked 3racha to join them several times, but they kept turning them down, saying that this was a day just for ATEEZ. And besides they had plans with the rest of Stray Kids. They couldn't have 17 rowdy men crashing the theater all at once, now could they?

Now they were finally having cake, no one speaking a word, but just enjoying the moment in a comfortable silence.

“So…” Mingi suddenly broke the silence, looking up with a knowing smile.

Hongjoong raised an eyebrow expectantly. Mingi put his fork down, his smile growing as he clasped his hands in front of him, resting his chin upon them.

“Did you listen to the song I made?”

Hongjoong frowned confusedly for a second, before he suddenly remembered the boy giving him his flash drive. Hongjoong shook his head, sheepishly.

“Ah, no I didn't… I-”

“No, it's ok.” Mingi cut him off, before he could explain himself, his grin getting wider. He shared a glance with the other members who returned the smile.

Hongjoong waited, confused as to what was going on.

“That song is actually one we all worked on together. It's a song we all wrote for you.” 

Hongjoong looked up in surprise, remembering only now how Mingi had smiled uncontrollably when handing it to him earlier.

“Really?” He breathed, hardly daring to believe. He couldn't even contain his excitement anymore. He had to see what was in that song. But…

“Then how come you gave it to me beforehand?” He asked, turning puzzled eyes towards Mingi.

“Ah, well…” He said. “It would have been too late to include it in the album if I'd have given it to you today. But then you never got the time to listen to it, but now since the comeback has been postponed, I guess everything worked out in the end.” He finished with a smile on his face.

“Ah Right…” 

Without another word, Wooyoung leapt from the table and grabbed Hongjoong's laptop and the hard drive. Running back to the dining room, he placed the laptop in front of Hongjoong, plugging the hard drive in.

Then he sat down with the biggest grin on his face.

“Listen to it, listen to it.” Yeosang whisper-yelled, excitedly.

Hongjoong grinned, opening the file and clicking play. As the voices of his members floated out into the house, Hongjoong found himself transfixed on the magic of it all. 

_ Sometimes these days I think maybe I lived well and you're proof of that... _

They all sounded so beautiful. He couldn't believe he was the leader of such an amazing team. 

_ I have something to say and I've been worried all night about it... _

And apparently, his members felt the same way about him, if the lyrics were anything to go by.

_ Thank you for being on my side... _

And the lyrics…

_ For being able to walk with you... _

Oh, the lyrics…

_ For being able to lean on each other in this tough world... _

Hongjoong really couldn't help it as tears of joy began streaming down his face.

_ Even if there's a storm, even if it's raining… _

Several of his members came around to put their arms around him, and he smiled through the tears.

_ You and I, you and I, it'll always be us… _

By the time the song had ended, Hongjoong was a crying mess.

But he was happy.

He was so freaking happy.

It all made sense to him now. He loved his members to death and would be with them through thick and thin and they felt the exact same way about him. It was an amazing feeling, to realize how much you really meant to someone.

“Thanks, guys… So much…” He whispered.

They didn't respond with words, but rather just smiled at him. And that was enough.

“Does it have a title?” He asked after a while.

“Thank u. Short and sweet.” Seonghwa responded.

“I love it so much, guys. It'll definitely go into the album.” Hongjoong fell silent suddenly, an idea coming to his head. “We could dedicate this song to ATINY, too. What do you guys think? Want me to share my present?” He asked grinning.

The members immediately agreed.

“It's for anyone who knows that someone's got their back.” Jongho stated.

Hongjoong smiled, clicking play once more, and they all listened to the song again, in the comfortable silence.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The boys played video games for the rest of the day, Hongjoong's laptop sitting on the counter, with the song in replay.

He laughed and yelled and attacked his members playfully, the comforting lyrics weaving through his ears.

He couldn't have wished for a better team.

And he knew that no matter what life threw at him, his members would always be there, at his side and that he would do the same for them.

_ If we walk together, this tough world is nothing… _

_ Thank you… _

_ Thank you for being on my side… _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was ok!😊  
> I wasn't sure about it in the beginning but I think I like how it turned out!  
> Hope everyone is staying safe!💜  
> Requests are open!
> 
> Y'all can fangirl with me at...  
> Tumblr:@minisuga127  
> Twitter:@MiniSuga127
> 
> Comments motivate me!💜 thx for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: @minisuga127  
> Twitter:@MiniSuga127


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